How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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