I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
