I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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