i would punch a child for taco bell
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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