Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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