his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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