My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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