I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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