You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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