Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
