if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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