My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
