I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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