I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
