the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
