She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
