Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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