yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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