this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
