We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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