I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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