if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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