When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
