Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
