he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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