My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
