i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
