U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
