I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Panties = found
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
