It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize