Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
