the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
