Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
