I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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