Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize