oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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