So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
