Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish you could order shots online.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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