Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
