I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
