I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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