if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
