you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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