just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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