Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
