Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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