Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
