i'm lost and i look like a hooker
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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