Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
