They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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