The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
