Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
