So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
