i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
