you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
