We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
