my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
