Ambien. No doubt about it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
