tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just had sex bonerless
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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