We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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