i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
