Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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