we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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