i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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