I swear she didn't look like that last week.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
