Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
