Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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