just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
