honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
