In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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