Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
