My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
