Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
