did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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