lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
