I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
