He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
