I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize