You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
