You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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