there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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